1# Naked Truths: Lotje’s thoughts on her body

My husband loves me for who I am, I therefore knows he likes my face. I think my face reflects my personality even as it is far from perfect I am satisfied with it. But how does my body could reflect myself? It is a reflection of my work out, doing sports, smoking, my eating habits, my age and my parent’s genetics. Is that me?

I love getting older (apart from getting more memories) I like the lines on my face and even the ones from giving child birth on my stomach i don’t mind.

It was a wonderful experience being pregnant and carrying another life within me. It made me feel like a mother, animal-like. The pride I feel for this feminity reflects in the love for my body. I compare myself to woman like Anna Magnani, who is not to thin, has beautiful lines in her face and seems to be proud of the scarfs life gave her (whether they be physical or emotional).

Anna Magnani

Anna Magnani

I wish I had broader hips though. All my fat always concentrates on my belly. Not around it, but just on it. If my hips were larger, the fat could spread around my hips and would be noticed less. I’m rather square. When I was a teacher, pupils made a cartoon of me as a square, like spongebob squarepants.

When i am really angry i set better times in running. I get mad ad the world, my anger seems to be able to transfer to physical strenght. Then I want to destroy myself, my body and exhaust it. That mood is good for sex as well, anger and happiness make me completely forget about shame. It’s the same as when you’re outside and suddenly the sun comes shining through the clouds, while the last drops of rain fall on your face. Happiness also translates to physical strength, as if vulnerability doesn’t exist.

When I’m insecure and unhappy, I feel ashamed when my husband sees me naked. Everything is all wrong about me. Personally i forget about my body. I turn to smoking again, i don’t pay attention to what I am wearing and stop doing sports. My naked body stops existing, it’s the coporeal thing I am carrying around until the day I die. The thing other people are attached to, but not me.

Lotje

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One response to “1# Naked Truths: Lotje’s thoughts on her body

  1. L’ha ribloggato su Lotjinae ha commentato:
    Ho partecipato al progetto ‘The Naked Truths’ of Anna Utopia Giordano. L’ho conosciuta l’anno scorsco al Valkhof Museum a Nimega. Volete participare anche voi? Guardate da ‘Get involved’ sul sito

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